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Vaginasaurus

For an explanation of why it is necessary to include the following definition, please see “Alarm”

Warning: The research for this definition was submitted by my husband. My husband is a man. And although he is an expert on the Vagina Dinosaur and other vagina-inhabiting beasts, he is not a scientist.

Vaginasaurus /vəˈjīnə,ˈsȯr-əs/ is a genus of Vagina Dinosaur. The species Vaginasaurus Rex (the Latin word rex, meaning “king”), often referred to as the V-Rex, is an exquisite example of the carnivorous Phallus Penii Glanulus. Other less represented species in this genus are the herbivorous Limpus Penii Glanulus and the omnivorous Paarvus Penii Glanulus, both markedly more docile than the Vaginasaurus Rex.

The Vaginasaurus Rex is further distinguished from the rest of its species by its size. Where the Limpus and Paarvus tend to range between three and six inches, respectively, the Vaginasaurus Rex is estimated to have reached lengths upwards of thirteen inches.

Found on every continent in the world, the Vaginasaurus first appeared during the Sextaceous period, although the exact time of origin is the subject of fierce debate. It is suggested that it was, in fact, the Vaginasaurus Rex and not the Serpent that misled Eve in the Garden of Eden.

What is certain is that they have continued to dominate and remain the undisputed Apex predator throughout the known world.

The Vaginasaurus is blind from birth yet possesses a single sightless eye located directly in the center of its forehead. To navigate, the Vaginasaurus relies heavily upon its sense of touch and other, less understood mechanisms, most of which remain a mystery. It is, however, widely accepted that the Vaginasaurus is highly attracted to certain scents, suggesting that its sense of smell may play an integral part in its ability to navigate accurately.

Another remarkable feature that all species of Vaginasaurus share is their typical behavior in social settings. The Vaginasaurus is a surprisingly social creature seeking out affection and even exhibiting aggressive behavior if that affection is denied.

It should also be noted here that all species of Vaginasaurus have an intense dislike for the sound of the human voice and, specifically, the female emotional soliloquy. This fierce creature, if faced with a “feelings” espousing female, will shrink back and retreat. Fortunately, the Vaginasaurus also possesses an exceedingly short memory and will re-emerge when he has forgotten the source of the aversion.

The Vaginasaurus will survive in an arid, cool environment but prefers a warm, wet tropical climate. If such an environment is made available to him, he will thrive and reproduce.

As the most formidable and imposing creature on our planet, the Vaginasaurus and, more specifically, the mighty V-Rex, has conquered the world and, by all estimations, are poised to continue to flourish unchallenged well into the future.


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